Stay…It’s Ok.

i think i have the ‘fight or flight’ feeling again very similar to how i feel days before a big project. i guess it’s normal human feeling when faced with an uncertain or stressful situation. the funny thing is my flight is to travel. which is to be constantly faced with uncertain situations. which i enjoy when traveling. i guess the strange and challenging thing for me is learning to stay put when things are uncertain… and how ‘uncertain’ or stressful is it really? i’m just thinking out loud here..
i’m certain i’m loved, his actions are clear even though he rarely use this word. he uses sayang all the time. but for me, actions speak louder. i’m certain he is as honest as he can be, and that he’ll tell me if his feelings changes. feeling loved and having trust in our communications, this doesn’t sound that stressful nor uncertain. the only uncertain thing is, we don’t have plans for our future together. we might not have so for another year or so. for someone who has been preaching living in the moment, this shouldn’t scare me.
but yet it does.. i guess i don’t like not having control… i usually have over my personal relationships. well, when i found out i didn’t, i would leave or find ways to end it. i wrote my answer for the question: what do i look for in a relationship? a companion in the journey of life. to go adventures with, to laugh with, to hold me when i cry etc. and this relationship is fulfilling that. so really, there isn’t much to fret, so my partner isn’t ready to plan the future together just yet. but he is an excellent companion who brings me great joy right now. that is pretty minor compared to the joy our companionship brings to each other, and i can be more patient and kind with him and with us.
so i guess, my conclusion is: we don’t have to be perfect, we are already pretty damm awesome. 🙂
so stay mien. It really is ok.

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